Dealing with Your Child Repeated Behaviors

Today we're going to be talking about how to address repeated behaviors. It is important for us parents to know the signs or when we should stop their repetitive behaviors for them to learn that not all things they want or do will work out.

Dealing with Repeated Behavior

Now, you can actually take all of your kids' behaviors and divide them into two buckets. One is “things you wish they would start doing” and others are the “things you wish they would stop doing.”

You can actually sit down, have a family meeting, and look at the stuff that you are wasting your day on. How many times are you having to say, “no.” and address the same problems?

Stop Behaviors
We are a whole lot better at discovering things we wish they would stop. Try not to be stress, it's your wiring. It's not terrible child rearing. OK? Here's what we need to do:

• Write down your worries. Make a list. Things that you want them to stop are whining. For me, I can’t take it. It's always the top of the list and it has to be stopped. Things like whining can be counted.

• Have a three count with real consequences. Now, I’m not talking about the endless counting where you get to 10, you go up, you go back. Counting is actually a two-step process. They get a “one” that tells them, "This is a behavior I don't want you to do anymore." They get about five or ten seconds so they can think about a different choice, then they get to the “two.” Once you're at “two,” this means, “we're done if it happens again.” They get another few seconds, just long enough to process, and then they get the “three” and an immediate consequence. The key for “stop” behaviors is by the time you're at “three,” something about their world has to change. That can be leaving a store, turning off the TV, but it's a very clear system that you can make two choices and, after that, we're just done.

• "Start" Behaviors: This is the hard part. These are the things that we want to motivate but we tend to punish. So we want them to get in the car quickly, but what we do is start yelling or getting mad or saying, “We’re not going.”

• Reinforce good behavior with a reward. If you want them, then there needs to be an incentive that happens only once the seatbelt clicks. It can be simple things. It can be a piece of gum. It can be a sticker.

How do you find motivators? Here's the easiest thing: The things that motivate your kid are the stuff they don't want to stop doing.

Don't worry, we're all in this together. Consistency is key, stay motivated. Once you've got your list, you also need to stay motivated, yourself. Be sure to build in some rewards.